Hey ya'll! So, I wanted to share a poem with you guys. Once again, please provide honest feedback. Poetry is not my strong suit, but I gave it a try. I kind of forced the rhyme scheme a little. If it sucks PLEASE tell me :)
The single chord haunted
my mind.
Like the soundtrack to the tragedy,
making me blind.
Through the tears on my face
I tried to smile,
but the phony imitation
stretched the mile.
You can still see the face
of the person you lost
and what they said
before they left.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
.jpg)
8 comments:
LOVE the first two stanzas. The last one breaks it, though, since it doesn't rhyme, and it loses the intensity. "Cost" rhymes, though - that might fit better.
I really like it. I'm not completely sure I agree with UC1, though, about the intensity breaking. I think the different feel of the last stanza almost fits you know, because...Oh, I don't know. But it's good. ya.
Yea i reallly enjoyed this
i felt it was poetry and a story
so thats good
-Thomas
I wanna know who it's about ;)
Ok, i do think the rhyme scheme sounds a little forced, but you recognize that. The nice thing is that you can tell you were really thinking while you were writing it - how you wanted to structure it, what emotions you were aiming to evoke, etc. Keep at it, definitely.
And i agree with Kenz (sorry Kat). The last stanza works for me.
It's been five weeks. Time to update boy.
I remember...these last two posts were within 5 days. I thought there was hope. But no...
Post a Comment